Uh Oh

Sooooooo

As many of you know, Ive had an awful couple of weeks... HECK... Ive had an awful almost year!

Well today didnt help....

This afternoon, I get a text from N. I didnt answer immediately because I was at work and dont usually have my phone on me if we are busy. By the time I saw the text, he had also sent me a "uh... okay... dont answer me then" text which of course I responded with a... okay okay... Ill just let you read it.

{If you dont care what we talked about, you are welcome to stop now. I just want to document this for myself.}

Background: Went out with some friends last night to have a few drinks. I normally only have 1-2 drinks and call it a night because Im not a big drinker- never have been (I didnt taste my first alcoholic beverage until I was 21). Last night, I got talked into having a 3rd drink and even though it doesnt seem like much, it felt different to me because I never drink. Dont ask me why I let them talk me into it, but I did. WEEELLLLL, I was tired LONG before everyone else and ready to go home. My friend, B, saw this and somehow convinced the guys that it was time to leave. I get home and for some unknown reason, I texted N saying "you were right" and then went to bed. {I texted him that because when we first broke up and he started drinking a lot, his reasoning was that "it makes things not suck for a little while." I always thought that was stupid but last night, I finally understood what he meant. Now, I was not drunk by any means (nor do I ever plan to be) but after this stressful week, I welcomed any way to feel less stressed for a moment)} I never got a response from N after that text (didnt expect one as it was 1:30am when I sent it).

Welll I woke up to a text from N saying... "About what?" I chose not to answer because 1) I didnt have the energy to discuss it and 2) I wish I had not sent it because there was no real need.

He wasnt having my lack of response apparently because when I checked my phone while at work, I had 2 texts from N. One saying "what were you talking about last night when you texted me" and another saying "uh, ok. Fine, dont answer." OBVIOUSLY I am at work so I didnt even see the texts so this is how it all went down.

A: Sorry, Im at work, whats up?

N: What did your text mean last night?

A: You were right that drinking makes things not suck for a second.

N: Oh God, what did you do?

A: I didnt do anything?? Its just been a crappy week.

N: Nah, what did you do? You got drunk with who and did what?

A: I didnt do anything, N. I didnt even get drunk. I had some drinks with B and her boyfriend and friend last night and it made me forget for a split second that things sucked so bad this week.

N: Im sorry, A. Didnt mean to jump down your throat, Just worried about ya. Why was the week so bad?

A: Its a really long story.

N: What do you mean? What happened?

A: Its too long to text.

{Long pause}

N: Hey sorry, I was in the shower. Can I ask you something?

A: umm, sure.

N: Have you kissed anyone yet?

A: No, I have not.

N: Been on any date? Im about to say something you need to hear.

A: I dont want to hear anything. Im at work.

{of course, I am straight up assuming that he's about to tell me that he slept with HER which I would NEVER want to know even if it did happen but I feared he was still on his "honesty" obsession and felt the need to confess or something since he said he wanted to tell me something RIGHT AFTER he asked me if I had gone on any dates}

N: Its really important to me that you hear it. Please. Is there anyone right now? You avoided the question about going on dates.

A: I have not gone on any dates and No I am not with anyone right now. and NO, I dont want to hear it. I am at work.

N: Fine, whatever. F*** you. Later.

A: Why would you say that? I am at work, I dont want you to say something that would upset me because I wont be able to hold it together after the week Ive had. I cant cry at work.

N: It wouldnt have upset you.

A: Okay. well, you can tell me if you promise that it wont make me upset in any way.

N: I'll just tell you tomorrow. Im exhausted and I want to fully think it through before I say it. Good night, Alli. Have a good night at work.

N: And Sorry for the unsolicited "F*** you," that was lame of me.

A: You are making me nervous.

N: Its a heavy handed future comment and it carries a lot of weight. I just wanna make sure I believe it and it isnt a passing feeling. But if it wont upset you, use your imagination. We'll talk tomorrow

A: I dont know what youre getting at but it still makes me uneasy. Please love on Olly a lot for me tonight. Im really missing him.

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I dont know what it could possibly be and at this point, I am not too terribly worried about it. Wana know why? Because most likely he will not contact me at all tomorrow because whatever he was feeling tonight WAS just a "passing feeling." I dont know what I would do if he does not try to contact me tomorrow. I want to know what he has to say but on the other hand, I dont.

Of course, in my last couple hours of work tonight, I let my mind wander and freak out and come up with all the possible things it could be... and this is what I came up with simply based on the fact that he said it wouldnt upset me.

1. He is going to tell me that he loves me and made the worst decision of his life not being with me and will I marry him.

Very unlikely as his relationship status on fb is still the same and HOPEFULLY not because I wouldnt know what to say to someone who has put me through hell and back in the past 7 months.

2. He is going to tell me that He wants me to take Olly in December like we originally planned.

If this were to happen, I would take Olly IMMEDIATELY on Tuesday when I went home for Thanksgiving. No, I do not have a subleaser and No, I do not have a place to live, but Id figure it out. This wont happen because Im just not that lucky.

3. He'll tell me something I DONT want to know about he and SHE's relationship... Like... he slept with her... or shes pregnant... or they are getting married... or something ridiculous.

Why, you say, would I think this is an option considering that he said it WOULD NOT make me upset? Ohhhhh well because there was a time when I trusted his every word and got freaking kicked in the face because of it so Im not gonna make that mistake again.

So that in a nutshell (a pretty big nutshell) is what is going on now. Didnt you miss the drama of N & A while it was at a minimum? Yeah... me neither.

Ill keep you updated.