Still here

Okay so I have finally picked my pathetic self off of the ground and decided to return to life in the real world... Okay, maybe this week hasnt been THAT dramatic, but tough nonetheless. Ive been really busy and my heart just wasnt really into blogging while dealing with all these crazy emotions. Wierd... I know since I normally let all those emotions out for you all to read.

Things I HAVE been doing over the past week....

• thinking
• praying
• crying
• hoping
• wishing
• praying some more
• working
• studying
• sleeping
• praising a God who never changes.

Its has been a rough week. If Im busy enough, I am usually fine- my mind is occupied and I dont think about everything. Ive been doing pretty good- sometimes it just hits me right in the face and literally knocks me off my feet. The emotions are overwhelming. I just try to push those thoughts out of my head and keep moving forward. There is nothing I can do about the circumstances Im in but I CAN decide how I am going to respond to what has happened.

I just read a post by Nikki and it really helped me put everything into perspective.

To get God's "more,"

sometimes we have to hurt.

Plain. and. Simple. I have tried to repeat this phrase to myself when I start to feel down and out and I find myself wondering how the heck Im going to get through this in one piece. It has been a great way to redirect my focus and keep me moving in the right direction. I have a long way to go but I've realized that I have to surrender myself DAILY to the one who loves me the most so that He can mold me and shape me into who I need to be in order to experience His "more."

Besides the healing heart front....

I started working on Wednesday and everything went great! The shift flew by that first night and I really felt comfortable jumping right in and working with customers. Its a bummer that I dont have my employee ID yet because I would be making BANK with how much product I sold in those 5 hours! Many of the customers commented that they never would have known it was my first day if I hadnt told them (I tried to be very honest when I didnt know how to answer their questions). I was so proud of myself for pushing my fears aside and doing what I needed to do to prove myself to my district manager and 2 of the store managers.

Nooowwwww.....Today was a different story. I literally stocked soccer socks for not 1... not 2.... not 3.... NOPE, not even 4.... but FIVE FREAKING HOURS!!! It only took me 20 minutes to set up and restock the wall out in the store but then my manager, Josh, (the only one who didnt see me work last night) made me hang 600 EXTRA pairs in the BACK ROOM... WHERE NO ONE COULD EVEN SEE THEM!!! I did not work with a single customer the entire morning and I was very frustrated with manager Josh. Everytime I would try to do something productive (ie learn how to set up a new display for soccer cleats) he would tell me he "really didnt want me doing that yet" and would then put me on something that required NO BRAIN POWER (ie Soccer socks) and to be honest, I was annoyed. I know that I AM a rookie, but I really feel like I proved last night that I could "play with the big boys!" ;) Unfortunately for me, Josh did not see me work last night so I was still in "green" status in his book even though I had already moved out of that area with the other managers. I know I'll have plenty of time to prove myself so I am trying not to get frustrated and just continue to be myself and work hard to please the customers (and my managers, too! haha).

School has been... blah. I really dont like most of my classes. It's tough to stay focused since a lot of the classes will not pertain to my Sonography career later on, but are still required for my Sports Medicine degree. Whatever, you gotta do what you gotta do.

As you can see, Ive been playing with my blog layout for a while now. Im itching to get something that really reflects where I am right now but havent been able to find anything that "fits" (and is free!) so Im going to stay simple for a bit until I find something. Let me know if you know any good sites for banners and backgrounds OR have some hidden skills at banner making that you'd like to send my way :)

Even though I have been MIA this past week post-wise, I HAVE been keeping up with everyone's blogs (even though I havent commented) and there are some really awful things happening to a lot of my friends here in blogland- friends that I feel have gotten to know me and have helped me through these past few months. I feel closer to some of them than I do with my IRL friends. I feel guilty for even thinking I have problems when I read their posts with tears streaming down my face. My heart aches for them... and I find myself praying for each of them often as they struggle through some really hard times and unknown territory. If you get a chance, just send up a little prayer for these women as they deal with different realms of heartbreak. (RB and KHS! I love you, girls and I pray that these things will work themselves out sooner rather than later and that this will just be a little speedbump along the road of life. You guys are so important to me and I thank God every day that I have "met" you both. Im sorry that you girls are having to deal with heartache. :( Know that I am here if you want to vent, talk, or just cry with someone who is not right across the street or across town ... I know you guys have listened to me a lot over the past few months and Id be happy to help you navigate these awful roads even though Im not an IRL friend. Praying for you both every single day.)

TGI(almost)F!