Bricks.

Is this going to be
how it always feels?
I thought Id be okay.
Told myself I would.

I knew it was coming.
Prepared.
Or so I thought.

Its a trick.
My words cant
make reality.
My thoughts
cant control
the hurt.

I suck
at this game.

I know.
I knew.
Never the same.

A rollarcoaster.
He is. He isnt.
Rumors are true.
then they arent.

I dont speak with him.
Then all of a sudden,
he calls me out of the blue.

makes a comment
that makes
me think
rumors are true.

thats good.
relief.
false.

I want to believe that
he didnt do it to hurt me.
but it does.
Its excruciating.

I will not cry.
At least I'll try
not to.

Facebook is a curse.
N is now officially...
"in a relationship"

I dont curse,
but I will.
Fuck this.

He happens to call
3 days before
he makes a "rumor"
offical.

Why?!
Wish I knew.

He was relieved
to hear my voice.
But it was all for nothing.

To make him feel better?
To clear his conscience?
To make things worse for me?

I dont believe
anyone anymore.
It will always be hard.
I dont care what
anyone says.


I just want
my dog.
to be mine.
and mine alone.

Then I can pretend
he doesnt
exist.

but he does.
and I cant pretend.
Fuck.

I cant do this anymore.
But I have no choice.
I cant control
others.

I cant help
this feeling.

The bricks.
That were dumped
on my chest
when I saw it

I blinked.
Tried to believe
it wasnt true
even though
I knew
it was.

I knew.
but I hoped.
I was wrong.

First time.
Second time.
Third time.

cant prepare.
not for real.

it doesnt change.
always hard.
always hurts.
always.