Honesty.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an outlet where I could spill ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that was on my mind without feeling like I was being judged or that people would look down on me for the way I am feeling. Well, I have a confession... although I have been writing a lot about how I am feeling... I have really put a sensor on information about N because... well.... I dont want people to think he is crappy just because of how I feel and what he is doing.

Then I realized... leaving that stuff out is keeping me from truly venting about my life. I have heard of many bloggers being bombarded with awful comments when they try to be honest about what is going on in their lives... and I am really afraid of that.

Lucky for me... only a couple of people even read this blog (that I know of) and they have been nothing but WONDERFUL and ENCOURAGING through all of this. First of all, I want to thank the two of you for taking the time to read my posts and even commenting here and there- You have no idea what an uplifting gesture that is for me. Second, from this moment out- I am going to really try to be COMPLETELY honest about everything going on in the N aspect of my life so that you guys can better pray for me and give me advice.

I know that my issues probablly seem so dumb in the big scheme of things to many of you. I know that there are people out there suffering from far worse problems such as infertility, the loss of a child or spouse, medical issues, etc... but this is my fight... this is my hurt... and God only knows what it takes for me to continue to move forward instead of staying in bed all day feeling sorry for myself (wow that just made me sound pathetic- ha). I just want to be honest with MYSELF... and you guys for that matter. I find myself sensoring what I tell my best girlfriends too because I just cant bear to hear their advice and "get over its" from people that are supposed to be there for me. So thats where you guys come in... :) Its awful, but I feel more comfortable telling you guys everything than I do my IRL friends.

So here it goes... honesty at its finest (I hope). :)