ER

Oh yeah, forgot to mention this earlier. N had to go to the ER last night when he almost chopped his dang fingers off trying to hook our friend C's boat up to a ghetto rigged trailer. It was entirely C's fault and he feels awful! Fortunately N has good reflexes and the hitch only caught a portion of a finger and part of his hand on its way down instead of his whole hand and all his fingers. I have yet to see it obviously but I do know that he has tons of stitches, a broken finger, and a laceration 1.5 inch long and 1/4 inch deep. The laceration damaged nerves in his hand that cannot be fixed and will probablly result in permenant damage that will leave him numb in those areas for the rest of his life. He is on some high dose pain meds and is still in a lot of pain. He called me when he got out of the emergency room but I had my phone on silent so I could sleep so of course this morning when I woke up and got the text, I felt awful that I hadnt been there to get the calls. Its times like this that I really realize how different things are. Before, I would have been there with him when it happened most likely, gone to the ER with him, taken care of him, and nursed his wound. Now, I just feel crappy that Im not a part of all of it. It may sound stupid but thats how I feel.

Oh, and by the way- I straight up asked N why he was asking me all those questions the other day. I told him I didnt understand why he would ask me those things and then leave me hanging as to why. He said hes just been thinking a lot about all the things he took for granted and all the things he overlooked before that are now so apparent now that he on the outside looking back in. He apologized saying that his intention was not to upset or confuse me but to just work things out in his own head. Anyways- Im glad I asked.

more later.

good night.