I'm just mad.

Warning: this is going to be an angry rant about how life is not fair so if you dont want to hear it... stop reading now.

Today. Im just mad. Wanna know why? Okay, heres why...

1. This wonderful family should be able to just enjoy their new baby girl instead of worry about what genetic testing will reveal about why they have only 3 of thier children in their arms instead of 5. They dont deserve this. They have had their fair share of heartache and have remained faithful and positive through it all. They deserve to be able to just breathe for one stinkin minute.

Update: Little Hope is doing well and has not had any new blisters form- PRAISE JESUS!.. so Im less mad now and are so glad that this family can breathe a little bit :)

1. This amazing woman should not have to worry that her newly adopted son may be taken away because of a glitch in the legalities of the adoption. She shouldnt have to fight the pain that his birth parents have raised because they may change their mind. She is a wonderful mother and she loves every single one of her babies so much. She doesnt deserve to work this hard to be her best and still have to deal with the added stress of all this other crap.
2. This patient woman should already have a baby in her arms. She has been waiting a long long time and she has done EVERYTHING right through her adoption journey. S0, why is baby Mac still MIA?? She is so patient and positive as she waits for the right time for her baby to come home. I know that God has a plan but why is it taking so long??? She deserves a baby. I want that for her.
3. I dont want to wake up everyday wondering why N cant see what is right in front of his face. He calls me every few days telling me that compared to me, everyone he meets sucks... and that he cant keep himself from comparing everyone to me and then being disappointed with them. But still... he continues to try to fill that void with insignificant stuff. We have made our decision to take some time apart and that is definately what we need but my God, what the heck is he doing? Im petrified that he's going to make mistakes that I just cant forgive during our time apart.
4. I wish I had friends who didnt constantly disappoint me. Seriously, its pretty bad when you come to expect that your friends are gonna bail out or not call or just plain not understand when you need them to the most. All of the awesome friends N and I had together are now "off limits" in a way. Although, I know most would like to keep in touch and hang out, I cant do that to N and make them have to choose between us and make things awkward. Its like dividing forces... and they were his friends before they were my friends so Im the one who has to let go.
5. I want to wake up tomorrow and just be... at peace with where God has me right now...

I hate feeling this way. I hate that even though I know life isnt fair, I still wonder why the heck things are the way they are. I want to fix it all and I cant. I hate that.

I hope that I didnt make anyone angry or uncomfortable for linking to their blogs in this post. (If so, PLEASE let me know and I will remove it immediately) You guys have just been heavy on my heart these past few months, weeks, or days and I ache for each of you as you struggle alongside me... on very different paths... but painful ones all the same.