Wednesday, June 24, 2009

An Inbetween Day

Today was a wierd. It wasnt a good day... but it wasnt a bad one either. I guess it was an inbetween day.

I went to the Dentist this morning and then since I was on that side of town, stopped by the Physical Therapy Clinic to say hey to all the PTs/ATs that I used to volunteer with. I thought that they all knew about N and I by now but one didn't. He is one that used to hang out with N and I some. He was really bummed because he was really excited about he and his wife hanging out with us more. It hurts me to see that other people were pulling for us so much. They were all very supportive and respectful not to ask too much and were all great making me feel better. After I left there, I swung by Best.Buy where the power cord for my computer was a WHOPPING $106.74.

Awesome.

Later, I briefly texted with N and then tried to carry on with my day. Yeah, it didnt work. I called my friend Kelly (yes, Im going to start using some names now) to vent (because she is awesome and will always listen) and was on the verge of making plans with her when she had to run into her new apartment complex and speak with someone about her lease. she said she would call me right back. Did she? Nope. I dont think it was intentional but I didnt want to bug her so I let it go and figured she just got busy. Still a bummer.

Called a couple of my life-long friends (who were supposed to hang out last night but both bailed out) to see if they wanted to just watch a movie tonight. Both had plans. Great. So, I spent the night hanging out with my little sis who just got her wisdom teeth out. It was a good time- nice and relaxing but sad at the same time as we both realized that friends suck and you can never rely on them (none of her good friends have even come by to check on her or bring her ice cream or just BE with her while she feels like crap). Im not sure when she got old enough to talk about boys and friend drama and such. haha.

I also spoke to my friend, Nate, from back at school who split with his girlfriend shortly after N and I did. We've always kept up with each other checking to see how the other is doing and just venting and encouraging each other to do the right things. His situation is a little different than mine because his girlfriend did something to cause the breakup. He is hurt because she really messed up and is now trying to get him to give her another chance. He was calling for some support and reassurance that he is doing the right thing by not giving in to her when he knows they need to be apart.

Sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if N had done something awful to initiate the break up... in a way I think it would make it easier to walk away and not have second thoughts about us getting back together. That way at least I would have something to mentally hold on to to remind me WHY I dont want/need to be with this guy. On the other hand, Im glad that I dont have to face the hurt and pain of being betrayed by someone I love and then have to hear them beg for forgiveness and still have to stand strong and make the right decision.

I dont know.

I hate that I love N so much. If I didnt love him so much, this wouldnt hurt so bad. I dont know what to do. I want to fight for us but I also dont want to settle for less than God has planned for me.

Im afraid that I will always love him this much...

1 comment:

  1. I have dogs who love to chew on computer cords....so, I usually gt them off ebay...or, you can do some research and find a local mom and pop place in your town that repairs computers and they usually have "universal" power cords tht they will sell you that has additional tips to fit your brand of computer. I did that last time and it was 60 bucks. Much better than over 100! Good luck!

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