Help me out here.

Alright, so I'm having some conflicting emotions right now so I need to spill what I'm thinking and then get some feedback.

I was asked to go to Atlantis, Bahamas with a family that I babysit for (the one I just babysat for this past week overnight) in August to be their nanny for their 3 kids. I met the husband when he led our missions team to the Dominican Republic in 2006. I am really really excited because I LOVE this family and I know we will have a great time. I am assuming that they are looking at the trip expenses as my pay for the week because they haven't mentioned paying me additionally??? I'm okay with that because I don't see them just dumping the kids on me and then leaving us to fend for ourselves so I think it will be a pretty fun time. Of course, I would love to get additionally paid, but I understand why it probably hasn't been discussed. Anyways, that has nothing to do with what I need advice about so here is the deal...

I am a very... well... well endowed girl... a 30E to be exact. I always have an awful time trying to find clothes that are appropriate that don't give me ridiculous cleavage. As a beach local, Ive had to get over that when finding bathing suits. Ive just accepted that all I can do is do my best to find something cute that doesn't cause crazy "boobage" (ha) and just leave it at that. I am a small girl (xs, small tops usually, and size 1 or 3 bottoms) so its just really hard to find things that fit my top but don't seem to swallow my mid-section.

Anywayyyyssss....
Ive been a little anxious about the whole trip just because of the fact that I will be in a bathing suit around the husband as well as another husband who is coming too. I just feel really self conscious and uncomfortable about my chest in my bathing suit around any guy no matter their age. I don't want to seem like I am flaunting my body because that is NOT my intention when I wear a bathing suit. I wear a bikini because I am a young college student who lives at the beach and likes to get summer sun :) After a while, I started thinking about it and thought, hey you're going to be in the BAHAMAS hanging out so try to enjoy yourself, get some sun, and try to relax despite the whole bathing suit thing. It will work out.

welll.... then today, I got a call from the mom just checking up on me since they came home from vacation yesterday and she said I looked tired when I left (ha!). Anyways- she brought up the Bahamas trip and we eventually started talking about what to pack and she told me that she just wanted to make sure that I knew to pack modestly and not bring any bikinis.... Uh.... What? I mean what am I SUPPOSED to wear? A one piece? Here's where the conflicting emotions came in....

I felt relieved because then I didn't have to worry about being uncomfortable in a bathing suit around the men but then I felt mad/annoyed because that means I have to go out and BUY a one piece bathing suit or tankini that I will never wear again after this trip. When I told her I would have to go buy one, she said "oh, I just assumed that you already had one." I was just thinking... why would I already have a one piece bathing suit? I'm 21 years old and I live at the beach? Of course, I said I understood because I know that they are very careful about what they expose the kids to and they are trying to teach A (5 years old) at a young age to respect her body and to dress in a way that glorifies God and does not create sinful distractions to boys/men.

Although I completely understand why they asked this of me, I'm still... I don't know... fighting myself about being a little irritated. I don't want to have to spend money that I don't really have to buy a new bathing suit that I wont ever wear again and I don't want to spend a week in the Bahamas and get a crazy weird tan line because I'm wearing a one piece or a tankini. The tankini wouldn't be so bad if their chosen modesty didn't include "no bellies AND BACKS" which means that halter top bathing suits (whether one piece or tankini) are out of the question. Do you know how hard it is to find a bathing suit that meets those requirements? I spent the entire day running around town looking for one. A lot of the ones I was finding are so... well... old lady-ish or just awful. The one pieces either fit on top and were huge everywhere else or the other way around. The tankinis are all mostly halters and/or show cleavage. I'm stuck- I don't know where else to look and I don't want to order anything since I don't know exactly what size I would beed to fit, etc. I was trying on 8s and 10s to try to fit my top but then they were too long or really loose on my stomach/booty. To be honest, I just really don't feel any more comfortable in tankinis or one pieces than I do in my bikini... I feel like I'm old or something (sorry for those of you who may be older- nothing wrong with that :) I just don't want to dress like im older when I'm 21)

UGHHHH. I really didnt think it bothered me until I started trying to shop and thought about it more. Im pretty bothered. Please tell me if I'm just being weird or stupid or whatever. I'm just bummed. Who wants to spend a week in an awesome place like the Bahamas while feeling uncomfortable and old in a one-piece??

Sorry, I just needed to vent. Feel free to give me ideas of where to go to look (I live on the NC coast) and/or tell me I'm stupid and that I should stop complaining.

My only other option is to just buy a rashguard and wear it over my bikini to solve the problem altogether (which is what I'm leaning towards if I don't miraculously find something awesome in the next few weeks) but then that means I would have a t-shirt tan line as a souvenir from my vacation- ha :)

I don't know. HELP! (and sorry for the novel if you're even still reading this)


PS. I went over to Ns today to change his hand dressing (his stepmom refused to do it and his roomate is useless) and to give O a bath since obviously N is not capable of doing so with his hand wrapped. Its pretty gnarly- I definately almost passed out a few times. It was good to see him and get to talk to him some. I got the courage to tell him he needed to figure out what he wanted out of all this because we cant keep hanging out in Limbo for the summer. I told him to take a little while and think about it. So right now, no news. I'll keep you updated.