Fall Break

FRIDAY
I spent the beginning of my drive mentally preparing myself to possibly see N when I went to pick Olly up. When I got out of my haze enough to really look ahead of me... This is what I saw....

These photos don't do it justice but you get the idea.
It was absolutely gorgeous!

I decided right then and there that I would not let N control my weekend (yeah we'll see how that turned out). I was gonna get my dog, see my family, watch lots of discovery health channel (because I don't have it at school), and enjoy the weekend. I took that beautiful site as God's little reminder for me to LIVE my life. He never ceases to amaze me.

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I Picked up Olly at 130 (ugh N hadn't even fed him yet- we wont even get into that) I could tell N was stressed and hadn't showered yet that day but I said nothing until he locked the door behind me like he was worried someone would show up. He said his buddy, Clay was supposed to come over at 2 but is obsessive compulsive about being early so he was nervous that he'd show up early. okay okay whatever. Small talk, pack up O's stuff and off I went. Pulled out of the parking lot just in time to see Clay pull in. Mini freak out session considering that no one is supposed to know that I take Olly other than N's roommate and family. (I'm not even fighting that fight anymore- as long as I get to see my dog, I don't care how it happens on his end. If he chooses to build up a wall of lies with his friends, that's his business.) I call N as I'm leaving to tell him that he may have to explain things to Clay (which would be BAD because Clay dates N's gf's best friend) Luckily he didn't even notice me as he was pulling in and so all was good

Oh the things Ill do to see my dog!!!!

I carried on with the day relaxing, showering smothering Olly with Love, and catching up with the family. I called it a night around 1030 and turned my phone on silent to avoid getting woken up. Apparently that never seems to be a good idea after the fact because it seems like EVERY SINGLE TIME I do that, N calls me at weird hours in the middle of the night and I miss them
That's exactly what happened- N called 1130pm (to check on Olly) and then again at 3:30 am.

SATURDAY
I got the calls at 5:00 am when I got up to use the restroom and called him back to make sure nothing was wrong. He answered????!!!!!! This was weird considering how early it was but he said he'd call me in the morning to talk to me, HE just wanted to make sure everything was okay with me. I really didn't think Id be able to sleep after that one but I did and spoke with him in the morning when he said he called at 3:30 am to tell me that SHE had broken up with him AGAIN (GOD this girl is so wrapped up in drama that she CREATES it if there isn't enough). Well, You know me-I knew there was no reason to believe it since it would be resolved probably within the day or week or whatever (I was right) so I listened to what he had to say and then got off the phone.

I spent the day shopping with my mom and spent WAY TO MUCH money :) but it was all cute so heck, you only live once right?! I got some good dressy pieces for future interviews and possible doctors office internships, etc. So overall, it was a great day.

Then it all started...

N texted me around 9pm to tell me he was in the beginning stages of getting drunk and wanted to let me know if he ended up calling me later out of pure drunkenness. I asked him what he was doing with his life and why he felt like getting drunk that night would make him feel better about the life he is living. He said he didn't have anything else to do and that he didn't care what he did anymore because he couldn't make himself happy anymore so who cared. I told him only he could decide and that if he wanted to leave, I would pick him up and bring him home. I gave him a way out, I didn't think he would really take it. He did, 11:30pm he texted to see if i was awake and would pick him up from one of the bars at the beach. Said he'd been left by everyone once they got drunk and had been sitting by himself in a booth for the past 30 min. I put on some clothes, gathered Olly and headed out. Brought him back to his apartment where he promptly began telling me that he didn't know what he would do without me and that he messed everything up and that he didn't know why he was doing this. He knew he was hurting me but for some reason he just kept doing it. I just stayed silent through the whole thing. He puked his brains out on and off for a half hour while I rubbed his back and put a wet wash cloth on his neck and head.

I don't even feel like getting into the rest of the night. He was WAY drunk and was saying things I knew he would never say if he were sober but were probably what he WANTED to say while he was sober but didn't. When I finally got him settled, I went to leave and realized that I could hear his roommate out in the living room. WOW. THAT was going to be awkward walking out of Ns room at 3am. Luckily roommate and our other friend were HAMMERED drunk and were completely confused as to why I was at their house- HAHA. I told them that I picked N up from the bar and brought him home and then he started puking and now hes asleep. They didn't seem to care at all (obviously. they were drunk) and after attempting to make sense of what they were saying for a few minutes, I said bye and headed home to throw myself onto my bed and SLEEP.

SUNDAY
I slept through church because I was exhausted. I know, I'm awful but I just couldn't drag my butt outta bed in time. I hung out with Olly all day and then walked the loop at the beach with my friend, Johnny who may be heading the IHOP (International House of Prayer) in January. Of course, because of the unlucky person I am- a flag football game was going on at one of the fields by the loop and of course, the players were some of N's friends (well I guess mine too- but I don't really get to see them anymore now). I was worried they would see me walk by with 1) Olly and 2) another guy. The Olly thing was more of a concern because I don't know who knows that I take Olly on the weekends that I come home- the whole other guy thing wasn't a big deal to me- I almost WANTED someone to see me and tell N they saw me with another guy so he would feel HALF of what I feel when I think of him with HER.

I didn't hear from N Sunday and I was mad. He should have been calling me to thank me for picking his drunk a** up and taking care of him even though he didn't deserve it.

MONDAY
Babysat for the morning (Olly came along and was SO GOOD with the little girl :) I was so proud of him!

Met up with an old friend and her baby boy, Cohen, at Barnes & Noble and I absolutely fell in love with Cohen. That was the first time I had met him in person ( since they lived in Wisconson for the past couple of years working with a christian camp) I helped name him :) so he is already my little buddy!

I finally called N to yell at him that afternoon for being so dang selfish ALL THE FREAKIN TIME and the moment he said hello, he immediately apologized for not calling and said he wasn't alone at all the whole day before (some of his guy friends were in town visiting) and that he didn't want to try to talk to me while people were around. . I realized immediately that he didn't not call me because he wasn't grateful... he didn't call because he was embarrassed.

I wanted to cry. How the heck did our lives turn out like this? Me- picking up my drunk Ex only to hear how much he missed me and knew he was screwing up his life but knowing I had to walk away and keep moving forward. Now don't think I regret picking him up because I don't. I did what I knew was right and it made me more comfortable knowing he was home safe than wondering what the heck he was doing out drunk on a Saturday night.

TUESDAY
Slept in, packed up my clothes, loaded the car, played with Olly, and headed to N's around lunch to drop Olly off. N and I once again spoke about me taking Olly after graduation (this will be my next post) and then I headed out. I cried the whole first hour on the way back to school. Yes, it takes me 3 hours so that gave me 2 hours to gather myself and get my head back on straight. The bad thing about having a 3 hour drive is that it give you WAY TO MUCH TIME to think... so I decided to pray instead... I was frustrated and overwhelmed, and worried, and scared that things wouldn't fall into place for me. Whew, I was exhausted by the time I got back. Took a shower, established plans with Collier, went to the movie, caught up on blogs :) , and then went to bed.

And that in a nutshell (haha) was my fall break :)

Here are a few pics from the week!

For some reason he loves resting his head on the chair rack :)

You'd think he NEVER gets to play with Tennis balls :) He LOVES them!

How is it that vacations always create the need for ANOTHER vacation???!!!

and PS. RB, I just noticed that I've lost one of my followers! I didnt think it would bother me, but you are right- its no fun!!! Seeing 10 instead of 11 just stinks! haha The bad thing is... since I dont have very many, Im pretty sure I know who it was. Bummer- I guess Im not interesting enough for some! :) I now get you completely in your post!! haha