but I do. but I am. but Im not.

I really shouldn't care anymore... but I do.
I really shouldn't think about him... but I do.
I really shouldn't talk to him... but I do.
I really don't want to feel this way... but I do.
I really don't want to love him... but I do.
I really don't want to hate him sometimes... but I do.
I really don't want to live this way... but I do.
I really shouldn't listen anymore... but I do.

I shouldn't be crying... but I am.
I shouldn't be holding on... but I am.
I shouldn't be so upset still... but I am.
I shouldn't be hurting inside... but I am.
I shouldn't be nice about it... but I am.
I shouldn't be sitting here alone... but I am.

I should be better by now... but I'm not.
I should be moving forward... but I'm not.
I should ignore his calls... but I'm not.
I should face reality... but I'm not.
I should be happy... but I'm not.

I feel stuck
I feel tired
I feel broken
I feel hurt
I feel angry
I feel stupid

1 step forward
2...3...4... steps back.
better seems so far off
I cant get to it
I say one thing
and do another
I want to feel one way
I feel the other
I want better
I need better
I'm ready.