He freaked out- realizing that Id want answers and he didn't have any to give me yet.
I dont even want to go into all that.
I was hurt.
He was not being the Blake that I had met.
We met Friday afternoon, instead.
I almost decided not to meet with him.
but I did.
I dont know what our meeting accomplished...
but I got in my car immediately after he left and drove the 3 hours home.
I only got to see Olly for a total of 2 hours.
And N and I fought, again.
Should have known I couldn't just run away from all this stress and anxiety.
It seems to follow me.
---------------------------------------------
I cannot hope for things to be different.
because I have no control.
So I will continue to move forward
trying not to hope and pray for my own wants
and instead, trust that what God has in store
is better than anything I could ever imagine.
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3 weeks until Graduation.
Still here, still reading, still praying!
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for your pain. I know that place and it STINKS! The feelings of walls closing in and you being pressed and pressed until finally all you can do is just CRY for hours on end. Nothing more than a conversation in tears to your FATHER. Eventually you fall asleep from total exhaustion and have the most intense and most tender meeting with God. That, my sweet friend is when you find yourself completely broken and the only place to rest is in HIS ARMS! He is waiting...and in this place of brokenness He will speak to your heart!
Oh Alli, I wish I could reach through this computer scree and give you the biggest hug in the world. You are such a strong woman and you will fight through this and regardless of the outcome, you will be stronger. I don't know why you are enduring this life lesson, only HE knows that answer. I'm praying with you my love and YAYAYAYAY...3 weeks until graduation!
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