- Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
- Anger (why is this happening to me?)
- Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
- Depression (I don't care anymore)
- Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
I am pretty sure that I have regressed back into Stage 2....
Why?!
Because my stupid idiot self clicked over to N's fb page today because it came up on my feed and saw THIS status.... with a picture of the basket
"holy shit. definitely just got in my girl's car to an easter basket with a buncha candy, sherlock holmes on blu-ray, and call of duty modern warfare 2 for xbox360...Colin is gonna like this...most amazing girlfriend ever :) "
Why am I angry, you ask?!Ohhhhh well Im angry because I ALWAYS made him an easter basket and he NEVER ONCE announced it on facebook how amazing I was! Hell, I made him something special for every single holiday known to man almost just so he would know that he was important to me and I knew his family wouldnt do it! I ALWAYS went out of my way for him and he NEVER even batted an eye...
THAT is why I am angry...
THAT is how I know he didnt love me...
THAT is how I know that he wasnt meant for me....
Just F***ing sucks to be seeing in in hindsight.
I will never say that I regret my time with N....
but I am seriously starting to wonder why I wasted 6.5 precious years of my life with someone who didnt even appreciate me...
PS N has not responded to any of my last few emails or texts.... I know that this means he has decided he will not allow me to see Olly anymore and Im furious... I havent told B because I know he will feel like it is his fault.... and I dont want him to think that but I wana get mad about it... I wana cry about it.... and I want someone there to hold me and help me through it... and I know I want that person to be Blake.... but I dont want him to feel bad either... I am so overwhelmed by how awful N has been to me.... I miss my Ollydog...
Anger is a good place to be. I think it makes you heal and progress more than the rest of the steps. Remember what he was and enjoy what you now have. Explain to your new honey, get some lovin' that you need. That will make you feel better. XOXO
ReplyDeleteSoo sorry you are going thru all these emotions, They are perfectly normal!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how you have the courage to encourage B to talk to C I would NEVER be able to do that! As far as N (dick face) Im sorry he is not letting you see Olly anymore, is there anything you can do? Is he only registered to him? Okay I feel like you should totally delete him from you FB he prob is only saying that kind of stuff becasue he knows you will look at it and it will get you all upset! He is NOT WORTH IT!!!! he is a LOSER!!!! ((( HUGS))))