Update: "Bullet Style"

• My PSB test (entrance exam to Sonography program) went... well... as well as I guess it could have gone considering that I didnt start studying until the couple days before. I will get my results within 5 days and then if I meet the cut-off criteria, I will have a meeting with the admissions direction sometime in June to review my eligibility.
• I am COMPLETELY over school! I have NO motivation and I am trying REALLY REALLY hard to keep up with my work. I did get a letter last week about getting another scholarship- which is SO helpful! So now I am just waiting for it to show up in my student account because Lord knows, IM BROKE!!!!
• My parents are really coming down hard on me for some reason right now. I am frustrated that they cant just let me handle my life on my own. I know that they are my parents and that they love me but they have to let me figure things out on my own sometimes even if its something as stupid as bringing my car in to get serviced (YES, there is a story behind this but I dont have time to tell it)
  
• I have been having so much fun getting to know Blake. We went to the Zoo one weekend, Oak island last weekend, and we're planning to watch the Duke game tonight with some friends (NO I am NOT a Duke fan but considering that my Tarheels arent in the Final Four, I guess Ill have to pull for Blake's team... even though I am NOT happy about it!) :)
• I have been fighting myself. I can feel myself falling more and more in love with Blake and although I want to let that continue, I can already feel the fear coming back and the walls going back up....
• There is nothing in particular that he has done that has made me feel this way... I guess I see subtle differences in how he acts and instead of writing them off like the normal person, I overanalyze it and get nervous that something bad is going to happen...

I need your help on this one, Ladies...
Before me, Blake dated a girl for 3 years- they broke up in November. Given, I knew going into this that I had a headstart on the whole "being ready to date" thing since N and I split last April but I know guys are different than girls. Anyways- B has been VERY honest with me about the situation and has expressed that she broke his heart and he feels like she took a piece of him with her (I completely understand this bc I feel the same way about N) and that sometimes he feels like he doesnt have the capability to love again.
He ran into her for the first time since they broke up about 2 weeks ago and called me immediately to tell me and reassure me that I dont need to worry at all but that he wanted me to know. Well.... last night while we were out with some friends, I saw him receive a text, get a really confused look on his face and then put his phone away.... the next time a text came in, I saw that it was her.... It said something like "well let me know if you change your mind and want to talk...." I didnt get to read the whole thing.... but... that gave me the impression that she had asked to talk and he had said no.... Of course, I start freaking out a little anyways but I choose not to say anything because Blake's good friend was in town and I didnt wana ruin the night for him by bringing up something like that while we were out.
By the time we got back to his place later on, I just couldnt pretend something wasnt bothering me anymore.... and he could tell. He asked me what was wrong and I simply asked, "did you talk to C?" Without hesitation, he told me yes, that she had texted him earlier and asked him if they could talk- that she wanted to see how he was....and that he had said no and that she had said to let her know if he changed his mind.
I trust Blake and I know that he would have told me... I am just scared. I know that they didnt split because he wanted to so I am afraid she wants another chance and that he will leave me for her. I KNOW that this is no way to live and of course I expressed my concern to him.... He told me that he doesnt want to talk to her and that he wants to be with me, not her, but that it does suck that he doesnt have closure about the whole situation since he didnt know why she broke up with him in the first place.
I told him that even though he doesnt want to talk to her... he should. Just to clear things up and get some closure.

Ladies- Im freaking out a little. I know what is supposed to happen will happen and that I am the one pushing him to talk to her.... but I just dont want to be with him knowing that he didnt get a chance to get closure about the whole situation. No, I dont want him to choose her or go back to her but I do want him to be completely sure that he wants to be with me if he is. I dont want him to have any doubts and if it takes him talking to her about what happened 5 months ago, to do that, then I want him to.

He asked me last night, before I even said anything to him about C, how I knew I loved him...

I thought for a moment....

and then told him....

"Because even when Im mad at you, Im just really happy that it's you I get to be mad at."

And ladies, thats the truth... I know he makes me feel like me again and I love him for that.

Im scared that I finally found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with... and that it wont work out...

I just know that my heart cant go through this again.