From the Beginning

Heres to get you up to speed


N and I met 3 weeks after I started my freshman year of highschool.
He began dating my best friend. I began dating his
I wasnt feeling the friend. broke it off.
My best friend broke things off with N because she "didnt have time for a boyfriend"
N and I were good friends by then.
By October,
I could tell things were heading in the
relationship direction.
I told my best friend that
I thought I liked him.
Asked her if it would bother her if i got to know him better.
She said she didnt care and that she was happy for me.
WRONG. She tried to break us up 3-4 times over the next 2 years.
Needless to say, Shes not my best friend anymore.


After 6 months of blissful dating,
late night talks,
first kiss,
missing curfew,
learning about each other.
N and I had our first fight.
Had no idea how to deal with it
as we had never fought before.
He was having family isssues as well.
We decided we needed some space and broke up.
2 weeks later I hear he is dating someone new.
Heart broken. I tried to move on.
1 month goes by. I see N in the hall at school.
He smiles big, tells me I look great.
I remember exactly what I was wearing.
A jean skirt. Red collared shirt.
Brown clark sandles that felt too big. My hair was crimped.
N tells me things are awful with new girl
and to call him that night so we could catch up.
I call, we talk and I realize I really miss him.
Things end with N and new girl.
I believe in 2nd chances
N and I get back together.



Somewhere along the way, we fall in love.

I want to spend all my time with him.

He gives me butterflies even after a year.
He is the only one that can make my blood boil
but the only one who can make me laugh til my sides ache.

I love him even with all his flaws


2 years go by
N graduates highschool.
moves out of his dads house
into a condo.
I love growing up with him.
Im a Junior.
I begin applying to colleges.
He tells me to pick where I feel I should go.
Not to worry about how far away it is.
that it will work out no matter what
He was always so supportive.
I choose a college 3 hours away.
I plan to come home 2x a month.
That soon turns into 3.
I am miserable at school.

School is demanding.
For both of us.
Things get hard.
We take breaks to see what works.
Always end up finding each other again.

October 2007
We decide to get a puppy
We name him O
We love him from day 1
I miss him when I am at school
so I come home every weekend to see my 2 boys
I love waking up beside N with O inbetween us
O makes us a family

6 years.
We are comfortable.
Too comfortable?
I love him and He loves me.
but there are differences.
I want kids. He doesnt.
I want to grow up. He wants to be a kid.
I want to play house. He wants to play video games.
Things seem so complicated.
but we love each other
and thats all we need, right?


We question our relationship.
Why are we together?
because we are so comfortable that its easy
or do we want to get married and be together forever?
Would it work?
Even with all our major differences?

Months go by.
Things get tense.
We love being together but
the future looms
and reminds us more often than not
that the next step is fast approaching.
Boy meets girl
Begin Dating
Fall in love
Move in together
Get a dog
Get engaged
Get Married
Have babies

Our next step is a big one
A ring on ur finger means a lot
It means forever.
Are we prepared for forever?
A lot to think about.

We spend Easter weekend together.
Its the same
yet different.
We both know.
but I hope Im wrong.
I go back to school.
He calls that Monday.
I can hear it in his voice.
We need to talk
We both agree.
We dont know if it would work
for the rest of our lives
We want different things.
Our hearts ache.
We dont want to.
But feel its neccesary.
We need to KNOW for certain
and to do that.
we need time.

We dont know what its like to not be "us"
Will we look back one day and wonder...
what it would have been like without the other
whether we missed out on something better.
We dont know
We're scared.

I love him
And that is why
I cant hold onto something that I love
without giving him the chance the fly
and experience the world
so that he will know for sure
what he wants.

Maybe he will find his way back to me.
Hopefully without too many scars
Hopefully without too many mistakes
but if he does not,
I'll know its bc it wasnt meant to be.

It still hurts.
4 weeks later
I still cant eat
I still cant sleep
I think of him everyday.
We talk some.
It helps and it hurts.

I know that God has a plan.
I need to trust that.
What is meant to happen,
Will Happen.