Its here

Okay so here I am on the eve of the first day of my senior year of college. I should be stoked but instead, I just feel... BLAH. I really am glad that this is my last year but once again... I have NO IDEA how three years have gone by this fast and I have no idea how I am going to make it through this year with my sanity! I look back on these past 3 years and I wonder, am I feeling like I didnt make the most of it because of the outcome with N and I?? Dont get me wrong, I DO NOT regret one single second I spent with N but I put so much of myself into "us" for so long that.... now that there is no "us," I guess I feel like... I dont know? I have no idea how to explain this. I know a lot of people who, following a break up, seem to have this crazy revelation and declare, "My gosh, I dont know why I wasted so much time with _____." I dont feel that way. Im glad that I spent that time with N. I learned a lot and we had so much fun. Yeah, maybe if we hadnt been together so long, this wouldnt hurt as bad, but because of what I know now about our time together, I would never trade it no matter what. So what I wana know, is WHY the bunk do I feel so empty now? I know (well at least I hope) God has someone amazing out there for me that was designed by Him just.for.me and that God used my time with N to shape me and mold me into who I need to be in order for his plan to all pan out. Its just hard to keep that in mind sometimes. I love hearing all you guys' stories of being in the same boat as me and then finding your prince charming a year later or whatever but seriously... that awesome ending doesnt always happen for everyone. Okay Okay I know Im just rambling so Ill wrap it up now to spare you all! ;) Just a mini vent sess tonight to prepare me for tomorrow. Ha Goodbye Weekend, Hello Senior Year!