2/18/2011

I found this post in my draft box.  Apparently I forgot to post it back in February.  I smiled when I read it because I still have days like this sometimes-- I think I (along with tons of moms) will always have days like this.  But it made me smile because it is so true that even when you are in emotional limbo, you can realize just how much you love someone or some thing and find yourself raising your eyes to the heavens thanking God for giving you these little realizations in the midst of all the chaos.

Today 

...has not been good.

...has not been bad.

Nothing bad happened.

But nothing good happened either.

Today has just left feeling very.... uneasy... about life.

The weather was gorgeous today. 70 degrees. Sunny. With a cool breeze. Pretty close to perfection. I went down to the beach to take a walk with my dad, little sister, and niece to soak it all in.

It was good.

I was able to love on my niece and hear her amazing giggles and goos and oh my gosh, I could have just died realizing how much I love that little girl.

It was so good.

I showered after the beach. Folded some laundry. Cleaned up my room. Went to feed my older sisters' dogs while she was at work then headed to babysit.

The kids were awesome tonight. We have had some really tough weeks lately. My patience has been close to nothing. Ive had to discipline a lot. I have not taken advantage of story times. Snuggle times. Meal times to talk about days. I have literally left my job many many times in the last week disappointed in myself for not utilizing the time I have with these kids more.

Teaching them.

Listening to them.

Loving on them.

Snuggling with them.

Reading to them.

Sometimes I just get SO tired.

I know that moms get that way sometimes... but I am not a mom. I just play one 30 hours a week.

But sometimes I do.... I do just get tired.

Tired of saying the same things OVER and OVER and OVER just to have them be disobedient ANYWAYS

Tired of wiping butts and finding poop in their pants AGAIN even though they have pooped on the potty since January.

Tired of hearing screaming and crying because one hit their sibling even though they know not to.

Tired of having to answer the same question again and again because for some reason they think the answer is going to change if they keep asking.

I just get tired.

But I love those kids.

I love them so much that I am overwhelmed just thinking about how much I will actually love my OWN child one day if I can love someone else's children this much.

TODAY... I felt refreshed even though emotionally I am in limbo.  I felt refreshed because of the beautiful, wonderful, incredible, love I feel when I think about the little things (or ones) in my life.


Thank you Lord for that reminder.