When you least expect it.....

BAM!!!

I just checked my email and saw that N had sent me a pic. This is not unusual as he sends me pics of Olly sporadically and so when I opened it and saw THIS.... I was surprised.

If you dont know... that is a picture of Chocola.te Ch.ip Para.dise P.ie from Ch.ilis. N and I's signature desert.

You'd think I would think that was so sweet that he ate it and thought of me... but I was not happy when I got it....

Here's what went through my mind when I opened it....

1. Why is he eating OUR desert WITHOUT ME?
2. When I look at this picture, I immediately see the vera bradley wallet in the upper right and AUTOMATICALLY think... wow... he just sent me a pic of OUR desert as he eats it with his new gf.... Now I know I dont know that for certain and I decided that for my sake, I would not ask but its still what I notice when I see this pic.... not a fun thing to see.
3. There is only one spoon. so that makes me feel like he was at least eating it alone.... yeah I know.. the normal person would never see these things.
4. I would think he couldnt possibly be with her because why would he take the time to take a picture of his desert to send to his ex while at dinner with his current gf? How would he ever explain THAT?... Just doesnt seem logical...
   
5. I have had a hard last few days... Ive thought about him a lot for some reason and have refrained from contacting him in any way.... and well this just ruins the streak.

Heres the conversation (through texts) that occurred after I received the pic.

A: eating Chi.lis?
N: Did you know what it was? :)
A: of course
N: Thought about u. U sound busy, sorry for bugging u.
A: Im not busy. How are you?
N: Im doing ok. How r u ?
A: Im good. Started classes yesterday
N: Thats good! Almost done! Dare I ask about the dude situation?
A: No dudes
N: Y not?
A: Guys suck and I just dont have the energy to deal with them right now
N: Whoa, what happened?
A: haha, nothing at all. I just dont know if I want to deal with something like that right now. I dont want to get hurt.
A: Do you mind sending me some pics of Olly soon?
N: Yeah sure, Ill send one now.

I know yal love my quick thinking when I changed the subject to Olly to avoid getting into my personal life. Ha.

He confirmed that Yes, he remembers that I am picking up Olly next Thursday night for the weekend (which is also N's bday weekend) so that is good to know that he is still on board.

I like the way things are and I definitely want us to be able to talk like normal people without jumping down each others' throats. Im just tired of fighting with him and I want to keep moving forward. I guess things were good. I just hate that I question every single thing that he does now.

Sigh.

I just want my Ollydog. :(