Oh Boy

Ive had reservations about boy from the beginning. (as you can tell from me taking my month long break) but something has always kept me feeling like I should give this one a chance.

We had a huge issue 4th of July weekend about him setting expectations and then being disappointed when they didnt happen.  To make the story short, he was being a needy little girl and if you cant tell, I dont deal with crap like that.

The Tuesday after the 4th, we talked about the issue over the weekend and decided to take a few days to process before talking again.

We finally spoke on Saturday night-  by that time I was so annoyed and over the situation, that I walked into it with the intention to just tell him this was way too hard and how could we expect this to ever work if we are having issues like this already.

but

the Lord really redeemed us during our talk.

I literally dropped all my reservations and doubts in his lap (very bluntly, might I add....) expecting him to have the typical guy response.....

he most definitely did not respond the way I expected.

He was so understanding and mature when it came to what we needed to do to gain clarity in the relationship.

Ladies,  this man is awesome.  He loves the Lord so so much and it radiates off of him with everything he does.  All I know is that no one is perfect and I needed this discussion to happen in order to knock him off that pedestal in my mind.  (I almost felt like he was too perfect for me before).

I know Im being very vague but I am just over talking about it and want to move forward.

I have no idea what the Lord has in store for boy and I but I do know that he is clearly telling me to trust HIM and wait it out.

We are going to his hometown in Ohio at the end of the month for his friends' wedding.  I do think that the trip will give us a better idea of whether we see this working out or not.

I do really like him... he is everything I would ever want in my husband and the father of my children.  My reservation lies in whether there is THAT connection... that spark... that a marriage needs to last.

Am I attracted to him?

yes.

Is he awesome?

yes.

Does he love the Lord?

yes.

Is he established with a job and home?

yes.

Does any of this matter if that connection isnt there?

nope.

I have really separated  eliminated the physical aspect of this relationship for the main reason that I have had physical relationships in the past with I do not want to fall into that trap again.

I want Christ to be the center and I want our relationship to be led by truth, not feelings or physical encounters.

I think that somewhere along the way, I forgot to add the physical part back in (boundaries are already in place, yes) and now I just have this fear in it becoming part of our relationship.  Im not sure why but I am....  I guess its something I need to give over to God.

The way he responds to me is unlike anything Ive ever experienced.  He gets me when I feel like no one else does.  He listens to me and really seems to genuinely care about what I think.  He is gentle. Respectful. Yet bold, too.  He is calm when I am panicked. He is quiet when I am loud.  He is understanding when I am judgemental. 

I see such a potential.  Yet sometimes I dont.  Im not sure if fear is keeping me from seeing this as something that could work or if this is really not meant to be. 

Oh Boyyyyyy!


I guess only time will tell.   Until that time when I know, I am just going to try to keep trusting that the Lord's plan for me is great and he will bring it to full completion in HIS time.