The one that got away.

Over the past 4 months, I have realized something...

Blake will always be the one that got away.

I have tried to move on, hang out with other guys, do my own thing, and through it all, he is never far from my mind.

Every time I hang out with a guy, it feels.... just weird.... like a story whose ending has just been told all wrong.

There are times that I am hit, unexpectedly, by such vivid thoughts of him that it literally stops me from doing whatever I'm doing.

I spent last weekend back at school visiting friends before the new school year and the whole entire time, I felt this weight all over my body. I felt like he was close to me but I couldn't get to him. I felt like being in that place just stood as a constant reminder of what used to be.

I miss him.

I wish I could say I was over him and that I don't think about him every day.

But I do.

I pray that he doesn't go through with it.... that he doesn't marry C.... and that he shows up on my doorstep....

but I'm not an idiot.

I know that will never happen and I will not live my life pretending it will.

I know that most likely, he is planning a wedding right now... and that one day soon, he will have a ring on his finger.

I know that I will most likely go through the rest of my life without seeing him ever again.

I know that I will never hear his voice again and that I will never feel his arms around me again.

I know that.

It just doesn't make my heart ache any less.

It just seems like a cruel joke.

To meet the man of your dreams when you least expect it... to fall in love with him despite your wild attempts not to.... only to have him walk away in spite of his feelings for you.

It's just not right and I don't know how to make myself be okay with it.