desires

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

I have always struggled with this verse (thus the reason I have chosen to meditate on it these past 2 weeks).

Here's why.

What does delighting oneself really mean?

Delight (verb); de·light (di līt′)
to please greatly, to have great pleasure, take pleasure

It doesn't seem that easy to me. The Lord pleases me, yes. I am totally in awe of the things he has created for me. A sunset on a crappy day. A cool breeze during a run. A giggling child. A smile from a stranger. You get the idea.

Simply put. I delight in my Lord (or at least I think I do). I am well aware that each moment that I have here on this earth is God given... and that every breath I take is from Him... and that every wise word out of my mouth is breathed by him... but am I REALLY delighting in him the way that he wants? Is my delight enough?

When I am driving down the road with tears streaming down my face because the lyrics to a song on the radio just reminded me of the goodness of my God.

When I lift my face up towards the sky in thanksgiving for the opportunity to live.

When I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the things I have.

When I have to contain myself at church because all I want to do is dance for my Lord with my hands raised high and my lungs filled with song.

That is how I delight in my Lord.

I wish I could say that at every moment, I am delighting....

but

sometimes I forget.

sometimes I get crabby.

and selfish.

and annoyed.

and frustrated.

I don't delight in my Lord all the time.

I am not constantly thinking about it.

My life is not a continuous delighting party.

but does that mean I am not delighting enough?

Do I forget too much?

Is it that I just don't understand how?



If I AM delighted by my Lord then WHY do I not have the desires of my heart?



I want to be a mom.

I want to feel a baby moving in my belly and hold them in my arms.

I want to be a wife.

I want to meet the man that the Lord has chosen for me and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is my one and only.

I don't want to always think about the one who got away.

I don't want to fear that I will have to be a single mom by the hand of a fertility specialist.

I desire these things beyond all else.




I already hear your responses.

Be patient. Everything happens on the Lords' time. If you are meant to be a wife, He will make it happen. If you are meant to be a mom, He will make it happen.

BUT

that is NOT what that verse says.

It says,

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He WILL give you the desires of your heart."

If that is true, then WHY do some men and women spend their whole lives looking for love and never find "the one"? Why do some couples spend $100,000's of dollars trying to have babies yet their arms remain empty. Why? Why do people who delight themselves in the Lord still go to bed at night without the desires of their heart?

I don't understand.

and I may never understand.

I struggle with this. A lot.

I am scared that my deepest desires will never come to pass and that it will be my fault. That I did something to cause the Lord to withhold the desires of my heart. That I did not delight myself in the Lord enough or that I was throwing out attempts but just couldn't hit the bulls-eye.


How do I change my heart so that I can move from this place I am in to a place of acceptance and understanding? How do I read this verse and feel relief that it will eventually come to pass? How do I read this verse and feel at peace with waiting?

How?