Monday, December 26, 2011

friend

I wont get into the nitty gritty of the situation but I know a few of you have asked what happened regarding my last post.

A bunch of my friends and I closed out a bar in Greensboro to have our annual Christmas party a few weeks ago.  I am one of the few who does not live there or live in a close surrounding town. Because I live 3.5 hours away I had not seen most of these friends since labor day weekend and was super excited to see everyone.

Before I tell you what happened, you'll need some background information.

Friend, who I will call AS, has a very hard time not being the center of attention.

Due to the fact that I had not seen anyone for MONTHS, everyone was really excited when I got into town.  I could tell that AS was not happy that they were more excited to see me than her.  (I dont really understand this considering that she sees these people all the time but whatever).

AS is also very insecure. In herself and in all of her 4392073497 "serious" relationships that she has had since Ive known her.  She has lived with three different guys in three years and met this last guy on a dating site (she denies this).

(Let me say that I have absolutely NOTHING against people meeting on dating sites-- I am a firm believer that God has his hand in everything and if that is how God brings you together then it is no different than if you had met on the street or through a mutual friend or in school) What I dont like is that she lies to everyone about how they met including me (who is supposed to be her best friend.)

ANYWAYS-


The jist of what happened? 


Party started at 7pm so by 930 all of us were having a great time dancing, drinking, eating,  and catching up.  At one point her boyfriend, who was dressed in tacky christmas attire, jumped in the middle of the circle and started dancing.  Everyone gathered around him rooting him on.  SOMEHOW in all of this, I was accused by AS of GRABBING HER BOYFREINDS BUTT.


Seriously, people?


1) Never would I grab a friend's boyfriend's butt- or any guys' butt for that matter- in a bar.
2) She has never dated attractive guys so why would I feel inclined to grab a "not hot" booty?
3) Even if I did grab his butt, are you seriously so insecure that, in the midst of everyone dancing and joking around, you would get THAT mad about it?


I know I wouldnt have gotten that mad had the tables been turned.


But maybe thats because I am secure in who I am and because of the fact that I refuse to be with someone who I dont feel secure in after suffering through my breakups with N and Blake.


AS FREAKED out during this circle dance session-- I noticed her get mad and walk away so I followed her to the bathroom where she began cussing at me and throwing her fists up in her drunken state to tell me she didnt want to talk to me.  At one point she attempting to hit me out of rage. 

I chose to walk away at that point to let her cool down.


She refused to speak to me the entire night. Wouldn't tell me why she was mad.  Would not discuss what was going on or talk through it with me.

I chose to have a good time regardless of how she was acting because I knew she was toasted and that things would probably be fine the next day.

Yea, wrong.

She left the party without saying bye... didnt call me in the morning... didnt respond to any of my texts apologizing for making her upset and explaining that I did not grab his butt.

I did not hear from the girl for TEN DAYS.

YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, T-E-N DAYS.

At which point I receive an email from her bashing me as a person and as a friend- an email that rehashed any and every major (and not major) thing I have every done in the past 5 years of our friendship.  Things that could have so simply been resolved had she just mentioned that it bothered her so that I could correct the sitation.

Nope,  She took sucker punches.  She addressed things that she knows I regret more than anything in life- telling me that I was an awful person for doing this and for doing that.  She said she couldn't believe I did certain things-- things that she very clearly supported at the time.

I read that email and concluded that I was in a lose lose situation.

If I respond, It would turn into a " well you did this..." and "well you did that" session.

If I didnt respond, she would psychotically think that I knew everything she had said was true and that I couldnt fight her on it.


So I chose not to respond until I cooled down, shed my tears, and got my head on straight.

During that time, I did not hear one thing from her.  However, I did get many texts from one of her friends (who is kind of mutually friends with me since we have spent some weekends at the beach together) berrating me for being such a terrible person and for not apologizing for what I did and how could I sleep at night being the person that I am.

Apparently we are in middle school.

This girl who texted me is 29 years old.  Yes, it's sad.


I did not respond to any of those messages.

I chose to email AS back and simply said,

"Seems you've made it very clear your opinion of me.  I am sorry you feel this way about our friendship.  I wish you the very best regardless.  -A"


I mean what else was I supposed to say?

I refuse to work this hard for a friendship.  This is not the first time she has blown up over something ridiculous.  We lived together for 3 years in college and it was always something with her. 

I am broken because I am losing her friendship but for the first time in a long time, I am going to stand up for myself and the respect I deserve and walk away from this one.  Someone who treats me this way is not a true friend and I need to be okay weeding those people out.

But I am still sad.

Today- I received more texts for the 29 year old girl.  It brought me to tears once again.  It's like I cant get away from this drama even when I try.

I am trying to be the mature one in this situation although it would be very easy to stoop to her level and respond to her email.  I could discount every single thing she bashed me for and then turn around and bash her x10 for the things she has done.

But I wont do that.

I have done my part.  I apologized and tried to contact her not only the night this happened but also multiple times after that.

Her email barely even addressed what happened at the Christmas party-- it was more about bringing up all the things Ive ever done wrong to prove why she was justified in her reaction.

I am not perfect-- I will never claim to be.

But I do try really hard to be a good friend. A good person. Who puts others first.


I am so exhausted.  I am tired of putting so much effort into people and friendships and then have things like this happen.

It makes me wonder what is wrong with me that these things seem to follow me.


ugh!





3 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about this...how heartbreaking! ugh.

    I say this to my husband all of the time, "What is wrong with me and why do I keep attracting totally irrational people". Conflict is normal in every relationship, but it is defined by how we address conflict. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people don't know how to resolve conflict in a constructive way.

    Hang in there!

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  2. There is nothing wrong with you. Friendships come and go, get out there and make some new friends.

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  3. I have a friend like that...she sucks the life out of me sometimes with all her drama. I'm proud of you for being the mature one. We all mistakes and don't let her beat you up over yours. She is an ugly person and doesn't deserve you as a friend!!

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