ch ch ch changes

I feel like the past month has just been filled with lots of changes.

I decided about 5 months ago that I was going to start moving towards my dream to start my own nannying agency to match families and nannies here in my town.

Then I added a family to my nannying schedule.

Then I found out that I was losing a family who will be moving in January.

Then I was asked to add in a brand new baby girl starting in December.

My dream for the agency has been postponed due to the craziness of the end of the year.  I have no clue how I would cover all the necessary aspects of the launch (insurance, clients, nannies) during the holidays while also trying to transition with my "kids" and helping my main family prepare to move.  Not to mention that Im going to be a wreck when they leave.

Maybe trucking forward would be better because then maybe my mind would be occupied enough for my heart not to hurt as much?

I dont know.

All I know is that there are changes coming at me from every which way

MIA

How is it that some weeks I end up posting every single day and then the very next week flies by before I even know what happened?


Yeah, me neither

Right Around the Corner

My half marathon is coming up quick!

My runs are getting longer and this time around, this race isnt going to be the light at the end of the tunnel.  I plan to run the Myrtle Beach Marathon in February if I can find a crew to accompany me for the weekend. 

Any takers? :)

Inspire Me Monday

 

:)

The family I nanny for is moving to Kansas City in January to become missionaries.




They told me last Friday.

Ive been a wreck the past week.

They are my family.

I have never missed a birthday... a holiday... a family photo or vacation...




What am I supposed to do without them?

Inspire Me Monday

Everyone said it couldn't be done....

Fit two car seats and a booster side by side in the back seat, that is....

but I did.

Thank you very much.

Applause is appreciated :)


And yes, I now officially look like a mom.

Take 3: Alabama

What do you get when you take 25 women and give them all shovels, rakes, and the love of Christ?

    

 

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You get an entire house demo-ed and cleaned up in the space of 4 hours.



Nothing is impossible with God.

Alabama Continued...

The family we helped most of the weekend lost everything in the tornado.  Their house was literally picked up and dropped in the middle of the road.  Doug and Barbara lost 10 acres of crops, their home, their livestock, and so much more.  Luckily they didn't lose one another. Twelve years ago, something had told Doug to purchase a storm shelter despite his wife's complaint that it was expensive and unneeded. That storm shelter saved not only Doug's life...  But his two daughters and grand-babies as well.  (His wife was at work at the local hospital)  The tornado was so powerful that it literally ripped 2 of the 3 hinges off the steel door of the shelter.  Doug painted us a vivid picture through his tears of how he stood behind that door, holding it with all his might praying that the Lord would spare his family. 

He made a deal with God that day.

He asked that God would spare his family and in return, he would humble himself and serve God from that day forward.

God answered Doug's prayer.

And Doug is holding up his end of the bargain.

We helped clear Doug's land and replant grass seed so that he will be able to plant some type of crop this year.  Let me tell you, Doug was always smiling.  It warmed my heart so much to see him carrying that seed distributor around laying seed before we shook out hay to cover and protect them.

Doug is so so precious.  His heart is HUGE.  And His love for the Lord is even bigger.  I love that when I look at him, that is the first thing I see.




Prayers are needed for him, though, my friends..... While he was holding the steel down onto the shelter, the Tornado was continually sucking all the air out of his lungs and then forcing it back in.  In addition to the air, it was also forcing particles of debris along with it.  Five months later, and Doug is having to prepare to undergo chemotherapy because of a fungus that is now growing in his lungs.

This man has gone through one of the scariest things I could ever imagine.... and now he is getting hit with this, too?! :(

I am praying hard for a quick and successful recovery.

I am so blessed to call this man my friend.

....More to come.

Sweet Home Alabama

Over last weekend, I was blessed with the chance to travel to Tuscaloosa to take park in some disaster relief with a group of singles from my church.  It is an experience that I will never forget and it lights a fire in my heart to do future disaster relief here in the States.

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On April 27, 2011 at about 5:00pm, a Tornado measuring about a mile wide tore through Tuscaloosa, Alabama with wind speed reaching 264mph.  Most tornadoes only stay on the ground for a short while before they dissipate.  However, this storm is thought to have set a record by covering 300 miles before clearing.  The storm came out of no where.  The weather seemed perfect and many people were unaware that trouble was even brewing.  In about 3 minutes, Tuscaloosa's world was changed forever.

 (images courtesy of google)

To be continued....

Time Flies

So, totally didn't realize just how many things Ive neglected to blog about in the past month so here's a bullet style

• I turned 24 on September 17th.  It turned out great because we were throwing my coworker a going away party the same night so we just combined the two and went out as a huge group (my work friends and my other friends).  The best part?  My job paid for everything at the bar we started out the night at! So awesome when its your birthday and you have your company paying for your drinks :) I didn't want to do anything crazy because I'm not a huge drinker or party-er but I just wanted to everyone to get together.  Overall it was a great time.  Funny thing happened tho, N (my ex), got completely wasted and spontaneously proposed to me in the middle of a bar.  Obviously I just walked away because I was annoyed that he would do that.  Apparently I humiliated him, though, and hes not very happy with me. Whatever- you cant make everyone happy. :)
• I have about 5 weeks until my half marathon and am so grateful to still be running!  After my Alabama trip, I went for a run and woke up the next morning and couldn't put weight on my right foot.  I rested it a few days and went in and had xrays done.  First of all, my feet are jacked. The orthopedist asked if I had injured my foot in the past because there are a few old small cracks that look like they could have been fractures at one point.  This is a surprise to me considering that I have never injured my foot.  We eventually determined that I probably strained my Pero.neus Lo.ngus Tendon/Muscle and I shouldn't have significant problems with it after it heels.  What is probably happening is that one of my "fracture" sites that has calcified is rubbing the tendon and irritating it.  Anyways, I went for a run Friday morning and didn't have any problems.  Weird
• My trip to Alabama was AMAZING.  I am going to post pictures for you to see and tell about the families we worked with and the work we did.  Sorry- I know I promised this earlier this week but with my foot injury, things have been a little whack.

That is all for now, I have a really long To Do list to tackle before work!  Happy Saturday!

Tuscaloosa

Sorry for my absence--  I've been in Tuscaloosa, AL working with about 45 other singles from my church doing disaster relief.  I meant to post before I left but time got away from me.  I want to tell you all about it but I am exhausted so I will leave you with one of the most breathtaking views God has ever gifted me.

Enjoy

A lot of changes are happening in my life right now and I am freaking out.

These changes are occurring because of the positions of others and the changes that are happening in their lives.

I am scared because I cant see what it is that God is doing. 

I dont know what to do next.

I dont know what He is telling me.

And I dont know how he is going to provide.


I dont know anything and when I dont know anything... I choose to pray.... to trust Him.... to look towards Him...

Becuase really.... what else could I do?

Sweet Caroline,

       Today will forever be etched in my mind as a day of sorrow... and joy.  Today, we found out that sometime over the weekend, your precious little heart had stopped beating. My heart aches that you were never able to take your first breath here on this earth... but my heart cries tears of joy because I know that you are safely in the arms of Jesus... that your face is a sight of perfection... your hands and feet have all their fingers and toes.... your brain is whole... and your body has been made new.
      Caroline Elise, do you know how many people have loved you since the day we learned of your existence?  Your precious name has been spoken aloud so many times that it could be etched in the sky and no one would find it odd. We love you and we have never even met you.  We love you despite your diagnosis.... despite the fact that we knew you were never made for this world.  At some point along the way... the words Trisomy 13 stopped being seen as a death sentence... and started being seen as a precious gift from your heavenly father.  You, baby girl, don't ever have to experience the pain of this world..... you, little one, got to be born into the warm embrace of your creator.
         Your mommy is one of the most amazing mommys I have ever known.  She loves you more than life itself and she would have given you her life had it been possible.  But because she couldnt, she instead chose to carry your little body within the safety of her womb. You were such a fighter.  We realized that every single week that your heart continued to beat even when we were told not to expect it anymore.  You survived 13 weeks longer than the doctors said you would.  Ironic that the same number that took your life, also represented life.  Your mommy never questioned carrying you.  She knew that she would love you just as she loves your brother... because you are her baby...because you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
          Your life is my light... and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to love you... to dream of you... and to marvel at your beauty when your perfect and precious body comes into this world. Thank you- for all that you are.  I love you sweet baby girl.

Miss A

9/11

We will never forget.

Inspire Me.... Tuesday? :)

Holden

Spent the weekend at Holden Beach with some friends-

I seriously think I cried when I realized the weekend was over and I had to go back to the real world.

Thank God for good friends, the beach, and vacays!

:)

PS sorry I didnt post an Inspire Me! Monday post-  I am still pretending I am on vacation.... haha-... Im definitely not

Haunted by a Question

I wrote this post a while back but never felt like I could post it.  Im not sure why so I have decided to share this with all of you.  I hope it speaks to you as much as it spoke to me

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I have been reading "Capt.ivat.ing" by Jo.hn and St.asi Elde.red.ge for my quiet time lately and came across a chapter that really radiated through me.  It gave clarity that I think every woman longs for under the surface so I wanted to share some of the key points with you.


(All ideas are taken from the book "Capti.vating.".  I do not take any credit)

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We have been surrounded since birth by fairy tales.  Cinderella. Beauty and the Beast.  Sleeping Beauty.  Stories in which a beautiful woman is fought for and rescued by their Prince from the perils of evil.  We have seen their romance.  We have seen the beauty that got them there. And then... we see that we are not them.




All women are haunted by a question...




Am I lovely?




Do I matter?


Am I worth it?


Do you see me?




Do I captivate you?




Our deepest doubt is that we do not have any genuine beauty to unveil. We try.  Oh! Do we try! New diets, new outfits, new hair color, new exercise regimes.




But still, we are haunted. 


Haunted at the core of our beings because we know, that if we only pass a mirror, we will see that we are not what we were intended to be.


Then the shield rises. We retreat. We hide. Hide in our busyness.  Hide in activities.  Hide in our depression. We begin to believe, "there is nothing captivating about me."




When the world was new and we were innocent, there was nothing to hide.  Adam and Eve lived in a shameless glory.  Until....


Until that serpent convinced Eve that God was holding out on her. Satan convinced Eve that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands.


Sound familiar?


That fall cursed us for life.


"To the woman He said, 'I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.  Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.'" (Genesis 3:16)


This curse cannot only be limited to babies and marriage.  It encompasses so much more.  Woman is cursed with loneliness (relational heartache), with the urge to control (especially her man), and with the dominance of men (which is not how things were meant to be).


Is that not true?


Arent your deepest worries and heartaches relational?  Arent they linked to someone? Are you ever filled?  Or are you always longing for more intimacy? More control? Less vulnerability?


 Women are not inviting beings.  We are guarded. Most of our energy is spent tryng to hide our true selves and control our worlds to have some sense of security.


Women dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability.  Far from God, this way of life seems perfectly reasonable. However, we must see that this self-protective way of relating to others has nothing to do with real loving, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God.  It is our gut level response to a dangerous world.


This does not mean a woman cannot be strong. However, too many women forfeit their femininity in order to feel safe and in control.  Like Eve, we hide.  We hide because we are afraid.  To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less.  At least that is what we think.  And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands.  We don't return to our God offering our broken hearts.  We hide.... Afraid that our question will never be answered.


We are notorious for finding substitutes in an attempt to fill our emptiness.  We buy ourselves nice things when we feel unappreciated.  We indulge in romance novels, gossip, women's magazines.  None of these things really satisfy.  They are simply what we give our hearts away to instead of giving them to the heart of God.


Why cant we see.....?


"God has not deserted us in our bondage?"  (Ezra 9:9)


Rather than turning back to God, we continue down this path of destruction by doing what we can to secure ourselves in a dangerous and unpredictable world.


And our question still remains.




Unanswered.




Or at least we think it is.

I want to be beautiful

And make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

I just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful.

- Bethany Dillon, "Beautiful

Inspire Me! Monday

Hurricane Irene,

You are no fun.

 Please go away.


Love,
 A