Going Through the Motions

Things have been just blah busy lately.


I work.

I babysit.

I run.

I sleep.


And thats about it.



I have been really trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and Im just hitting dead ends. I really feel like God is leading me to dead ends because Im not waiting for HIM to tell me what I should do- Im going out looking instead. Its just so hard because I feel like I HAVE BEEN WAITING and yet I am still no closer to knowing what I want to do than I was 6 months ago. I am 23 years old and although I know that is young to some, I need to move in SOME forward direction sometime soon, dont you think??

I am reapplying to the Sonography program but havent done much to better my chances in terms of taking classes or anything so I am really not expecting much from going through the application process again. I take the entrance exam tomorrow and no, I have not studied one bit. I studied my booty off last time and still didnt get in so why would I waste my time this time? Luckily, the test works similar to the SAT and they will combine my best scores from different testing sections to get me the most points possible when applying. Great news is that the university never got my final transcript that I sent them over 6 months ago so now I get to pay more money to have it sent again (insert sarcasm here).

The couple I nanny for came home one night a couple of weeks ago saying that they had met my husband. ha! They've known him casually for a while but always thought he was married. Apparantly when T found out he wasnt married, he immediately told the guy he should meet his "wonderful friend and babysitter." I laughed when T and R told me about this. I refuse to get my hopes up about this one since things like this just never seem to work out for me but I do trust that they have my best interest at heart when they say he's someone I should eventually meet. I havent met him yet but I guess we'll see.

Ive been trying to remain friendly with N over the past few months- going to see Olly, hanging out with mutual friends, picking them up from bars if needed and Im awake. On one hand, I can see that he is definitely changing for the better but on the other, I just still see the same old N that used to hurt me over and over and over again while we were together and even after we split. He is interested in possibly dating again in the future and right now, I am just not having that. He had his chance and Im not sure he deserves another no matter how much he has changed for the better.

Im so burned out on work. I just want to hang out with my little ones all the time instead. But thats how the money comes in-- a combination of babysitting and work and welp, thats what I have to do. No point complaining about it.

I havent been to my small group in probablly 6 weeks. I dread going because of one of the girls that comes every week who Ive grown up with. I think the simple fact that I dont even long for that fellowship tells me that its time to find a new small group. Now I just have to figure out how to tell my group that Im not going to be coming anymore. Fun times.

Im at 7 miles in my half marathon training schedule-- and man is it brutal to always have to find time to get the runs in. I actually havent ran in 4 days which is REALLy unusual for me. I may have to shift runs forward or backward in order to fit them into my schedule but I dont normally go days skipping runs. The weather and my work schedule just hasnt really worked out the last few days. Im nervous Ill die during my long run on Thurs/Friday if I dont run tomorrow but then again, I have NO idea when Id even get it in since I have to take that test and babysit tomorrow. YIKES--- What the heck am I going to do when I have to allot 2-3 hours to my runs towards the end. Im going to have to take time off work to make that happen haha!

Totally random post but thats what you may get for a while.

Ive been keeping up with you guys- dont worry! Im just lame and do the same thing every single day so I dont have anything interesting to write about. :)