I walked away

I have demons that I chose not to face.

Demons that are the result of the past 2 years of heartache.

Demons that I've shoved in the closet

as I pretended my life with just fine,

when in actuality,

I was so lost.



I cant heal until I face my demons.

Feelings of inadequecy.

Unworth.

Confusion,

Not knowing what it is I want.

Because I cant even trust my own gut.

I did before.

And I got burned anyway.



Fighting those demons is going to take time.

And until I feel that I am right with the Lord

I will never be ready to give myself to someone else.



I was shattered.

Broken into a million different pieces

over these past two plus years.

and God is still working on piecing me back together.

I dont want to give pieces of me to someone.

I want to give them the whole.

For this reason

I have decided to take a step back from boy

and focus on fighting my demons,

forgiving myself

and listening to what it is God wants me to know.

Because boy deserves more than I can give him right now.

and it sucks.


I am trusting that everything is going to work out how it is supposed to....

regardless of the things I have to do right now for me...

so

I walked away.


{for now}